none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BRING THE BAGELS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
