Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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