i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
