i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
