Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
