Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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