I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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