Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
