i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
