I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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