some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
