worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
