You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
