Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
