sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
