My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
