We won't sleep together?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
