were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
