We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
