what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
