Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize