I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
