He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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