Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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