Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
