it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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