everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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