Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sober January is a disaster.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
