As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
3 2 1 whiskey
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize