I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
