Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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