I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
