Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
