I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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