we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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