My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
