And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
