oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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