I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
