Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
