my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she looked like the before picture.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
