it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
