so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this will be a night to untag.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
