Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
