It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
