Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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