she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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