It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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