dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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