Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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