no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
