I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
