what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Small penises have feelings too.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
