no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
