so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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