this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
