She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
