She is in my trunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
