I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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