You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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