DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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