let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
