He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
