thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize