He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
