Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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