You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
