So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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