dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize