I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
