Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
