I wish I could teleport
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize