my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
