we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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